My First Adventure on OK Cupid

be-suited-cupid

Okay, so admittedly my profile, if they read it at all, says that a) I am bisexual and b) looking for a relationship with a woman and c) You Should Message Me If you are a little butch and a little bit beautiful, you care about the environmental crisis and you think Jesus was pretty queer, blah blah blah. So here is my first interaction with a person.

Guy: Hey, beautiful. I’m Wright. And you are?

Me: Gay.

Never thought I’d say that and it is only 50% true, strictly speaking, but God, people, READ THE FUCKING PROFILE.

Illustration by Mike Allegra. Hell, Mike’s Cupid is gayer than any of these guys. And I mean that in a Really Good Way. I’ve heard lesbians complain that Ellen Degeneres dresses “like a man” but these girls clearly don’t know a lot of straight men, because the vast majority of straight men in this country can’t dress themselves without a whole lot of help.