My First Adventure on OK Cupid


Okay, so admittedly my profile, if they read it at all, says that a) I am bisexual and b) looking for a relationship with a woman and c) You Should Message Me If you are a little butch and a little bit beautiful, you care about the environmental crisis and you think Jesus was pretty queer, blah blah blah. So here is my first interaction with a person.

Guy: Hey, beautiful. I’m Wright. And you are?

Me: Gay.

Never thought I’d say that and it is only 50% true, strictly speaking, but God, people, READ THE FUCKING PROFILE.

Illustration by Mike Allegra. Hell, Mike’s Cupid is gayer than any of these guys. And I mean that in a Really Good Way. I’ve heard lesbians complain that Ellen Degeneres dresses “like a man” but these girls clearly don’t know a lot of straight men, because the vast majority of straight men in this country can’t dress themselves without a whole lot of help.

10 thoughts on “My First Adventure on OK Cupid

  1. The bisexual butch April 3, 2016 / 9:22 pm

    GQB and I found each other via OKC. Just sayin’.

    There is a checkbox so that the heteros don’t see you.

    There’s more I want say but I’m playing Minecraft with the brat at the moment.


    • The bisexual butch April 4, 2016 / 2:50 am

      Did you find the setting?

      So, OKC. I generated a lot of interest when I set up my profile there a year and a half ago, because butch. And I very clearly stated my orientation and my marital status right up front in my opening paragraph. But so many of the lesbians won’t touch a bi female with a ten-foot pole, so it may take more time to get dates than you expect. Really good scenario is another bi female.

      GQB had a large number of moments where she didn’t take note of my marital status. Thank goodness she turned out to be open-minded and independent enough to want to attempt a relationship with me even after I realized the gap in her understanding and immediately brought it to her attention. Those were some tense moments for me while she mulled it over.

      Liked by 1 person

      • The bisexual butch April 4, 2016 / 2:59 am

        I had a lot of femmes try to convince me that I was really looking for a femme (um, no) when they wrote to me. That narrowed the playing field down considerably, but I stuck to what I know is my honest attraction and it paid off. And, yeah, I don’t know how they construed my self-description as a butch who only goes for other butches as me really looking for a femme. Yeesh.

        Liked by 1 person

      • writerspilecki April 4, 2016 / 3:25 am

        BTW I have had a few femmes tell me that I like butches “because” I am bisexual. That might be true but it always feels like the are make up excuses for what they see as my “mistake.”


      • The bisexual butch April 4, 2016 / 9:12 am

        Ugh. Perhaps they are trying to make themselves feel better about your lack of attraction to them. Their stated reasoning is faulty in the face of statistics. If you are masculine of center yourself and are attracted to other women who are also masculine of center, you are in the minority.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. writerspilecki April 4, 2016 / 3:07 am

    Thanks for this. I just realized that my first crush, a very cute/feminine butch, isn’t into me. At all. She has been very indirect about it, like a martial artist who simply steps out of the way when you attack. Sigh. So I need to figure out 1) what attracts me and 2) how to stay cool when they reject me as inevitably as the guys did.


    • The bisexual butch April 4, 2016 / 9:05 am

      I am so sorry. Was she the one with the business card?

      Yes, figuring out what attracts you. Instinctively, you already know. but intellectually you are still working that out.

      Being bi or fluid in your attractions can be very hard. A lot of bi folks simply call themselves queer so they are not branded and rejected out of hand. There’s no shame in that. It’s called survival.

      I have been bi for such a long time that I am comfortable with it. I was bi before I was queer. And I am old enough not to care over much what people say about bis. Still, it is a tough row to hoe.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. writerspilecki April 4, 2016 / 12:46 pm

    Good advice. Thank you so much. This would be hard to figure out alone.


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